Pins & Needles

We are on the cusp of a new treatment phase for Rohan - Delayed Intensification. From what we've heard so far, it is supposed to be exactly that, intense. That's why I was glad that we were able to have the long Thanksgiving weekend. We celebrated at home with just the four of us and a visit from my sister. But since his counts were pretty good, he was able to have his friend Robert visit for a playdate as well. I think we keep him busy enough but he still really misses playing with kids his own age.

To shift gears, you all know the old platitude that God doesn't give you anything that you are not equipped to handle. When it comes to one of my children, I wholly believe that whatever came my way, I would figure it out for their sake. However, that doesn't mean that it's always easy or even that I want to be the one handling it. Recently, Ravi and I have been faced with a decision regarding one of the medications that will be administered in this upcoming phase. Without getting into all of the details, let me just say it feels like we are steering our ship between Scylla and Charybdis. Either choice is less than ideal and fraught with possible pitfalls. After much agony and research and talking and a few tears, we made a choice. We hope it's the right one. All I want is for my son to have a normal chilhood and a healthy and happy life. So when I think of the awe-some responsibility that comes with a child, especially one that is sick and too young to understand, I sometimes doubt that I have within me all thatI need to get him through it. I am simply not qualified to make these choices, and yet. . . . I wouldn't let anyone else make them for me.

As I write this my heart is heavy and my eyes are moist. I know we do the best we can, but with our children, more than with anything else, we worry that our best is not good enough.